November is a time of brightly colored leaves, Thanksgiving starchy dishes, and it tells a lot to your partner. Yes, that is correct. The month marks the beginning of the break season, dubbed the "dump of turkeys". That's because the division usually occurs around day T, because he realizes he does not want his partner to be with his family (or vice versa). It could also be the result of stress induced by the holidays.
No matter the reason, the season is upon us, and if you are on the receiving end of a turkey dump, there are things you can do to dust off and enjoy the holidays alone. We asked Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, author of Better Than Perfect: 7 strategies to crush your inner critic and create a life you love, to get the best survival tips from a turkey dump.
Ask yourself what will bring you joy.
Holidays are considered the most magical time of the year, but if you are going through a break, you may not feel much magic. Instead of dwelling on what happened, ask yourself what you could do to restore the shine to the season. It will not necessarily be what others do or what you usually do, says Lombardo. For example, watching Christmas movies and baking cookies may make you want to throw up, but buying a mani-pedi and having a coffee with your best friend may be exactly what you need. Basically, your happiness does not have to come from vacation activities.
Prepare for your family's questions.
You know what's going to happen: the grandmother will ask, "Are you sure it's over? He was a good guy." And although it's the last thing you want to talk about, you'll have to find a way to not be rude, even if it seems they are insensitive to mentioning it. "They are not trying to add salt to the wound," says Lombardo. "They just want to show that they care about you."
Having a response prepared for when the questions arrive can be a lifesaver. Do something short and sweet like, "We just did not get along, and we decided it was time to move on." If that does not work, deviate by saying, "I really do not want to talk about this." right now, but what I really want to do is enjoy our time together, "Lombardo suggests, people love to talk about themselves, so ask your grandmother about her reading club, refocusing the conversation is an excellent way to change things.
Return the gift you bought for your ex as soon as possible
So you already wrapped that wallet that you know I really wanted. Now what? Keep it for you? Do I give it to someone else? Incorrect. Return that thing immediately. It may sound like a tough love, but you need to tear off the plaster and get little reminders like that from your life. "The reason we have a lot of stress in our lives is because we are upset by the way things are," says Lombardo. Which means that we can hold on to things that make us sad and sad ... or that we decide to let go and move on.
Do not catastrofize
It is easy to fall into the black hole of the thoughts of "I will never find anyone again". But nothing productive comes out of the catastrophe, says Lombardo. Thoughts like that are a product of emotion, not logic. When you find yourself in a spiral towards a hole of irrational doubts, take a step back and do something productive, like meeting an old friend who has returned to the city for vacation or writing your thoughts in a diary.
Try not to drown your sorrows in junk food and wine
We know how it goes ... one, two, three glasses of wine down and, oh, you're drunk marking your ex. Of course it is tempting to say yes every time your aunt wineaholic asks you if you want a refill, but you do not want to go there. The only thing worse than waking up with a hangover is waking up with the embarrassment of not knowing what you said in a drunk voicemail.
Nor does he want to resort to food as a form of therapy, says Lombardo. Of course, it is totally fine to enjoy during the holidays. While accumulating the cake can make you feel better in the short term, over time, all the extra sugar alone will make you feel lazy and get into your emotions. Go to healthier mood stimulants, such as exercise, for a long-term solution.
Spend time with people who really love you
Use vacations as an excuse to hang out with loved ones you did not see before the turkey landfill. Having dates with someone takes a long time, and now you can devote more energy to a very long bond with your parents or siblings, says Lombardo. Nor is it necessary to insist on sharing vacation time with another extended family now. As he realized when He spent Thanksgiving at his home last year, there's nothing like the comfort of being with his own people and embracing family traditions.
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